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Troubled by a friend

June 23rd, 2009 at 04:44 pm

I had a friend whom I know for 4 years now and she just graduated from High school. Since I first met her, she changed a lot. Usually people change for the better but she got worse lately.

Her love life is mess up, she dated a 22 or 23 years guy on the internet for 1 year and a half when she was 15 and they slept together whenever they see each other. She ditches him for a Spanish guy she met on the internet around her age and she never listens to anybody but him. She ditches the Spanish guy for a 21 years old guy from a rock band and they recently broke up.

She is 17 at the moment and she did some professional photoshoots where she poses in lingerie or she's naked with only her hair hiding her intimate part. I saw some of them from facebook and it's kinda disturbing to a see a 17 years old with a tiny body posing like that. She's a nice person overall but lately, she has been mess up. A coworker who was a close friend of her said that the last time she saw her, she was wearing belly top, short shorts and heels to go out. She also starts ditching her friends whom she's been hanging out with for years. I don't understand why but her old friends still stick by her side and they let her treat them this way.

I know that she has problems with her parents like me. She does whatever the heck she wants and she comes home very late. She also has been sleeping around lately from what I heard.

Is it still a teen thing? I am confused with her and she's a charismatic person, so I don't understand how she can do all of this. She's also very good in school. She has the rights to do whatever she wants but this is crazy. She said she has no morals and she hates it when someone is giving her the moral (when obviously, we are trying to tell her to be careful). In my opinion,she doesn't have any conscious at the consequences and she has stalkers who stalk her on facebook.

What do you think of this? She doesn't talk to me because I told her to be careful a year or two ago when she was dating a guy from the internet and now she dislikes me.

9 Responses to “Troubled by a friend”

  1. mom-from-missouri Says:

    No, this isn't just a teen thing. I have girls and none of ours did this. Where are her parents in this? Are they aware of her behavior? They are still responsible for her until she turns 18.

    Is she possibly drinking or taking drugs that are altering her thinking?

    Sad part is she (hopefully) will straignten out and meet mr right and will regret all this, and she can't take her actions back. But the good part is she can change her ways--but she has to want to.

    If I were you (this is the mom in me talking) I would be her friend loyaly when she is acting as she should, and I would be distant when she isnt. This not only sends a message to her, but also helps protect your reputation.

    Hopefully she is still in school??

  2. mom-from-missouri Says:

    No, this isn't just a teen thing. I have girls and none of ours did this. Where are her parents in this? Are they aware of her behavior? They are still responsible for her until she turns 18.

    Is she possibly drinking or taking drugs that are altering her thinking?

    Sad part is she (hopefully) will straignten out and meet mr right and will regret all this, and she can't take her actions back. But the good part is she can change her ways--but she has to want to.

    If I were you (this is the mom in me talking) I would be her friend loyaly when she is acting as she should, and I would be distant when she isnt. This not only sends a message to her, but also helps protect your reputation.

    Hopefully she is still in school??

    People think I am too strict because my girls can't date or get their drivers license until they are 17. (My friends sons can't date till they are 18). I also monitor their tv and phone and church activities are required. They can't even get on the internet unless I sign them on as they don't know the password. When they go out, I know who and where they are, and there is always a parent along. But, we have 4/5 with top grades, no one has gotten preg, and when their friends get into trouble they come to our house-which I take as a good sign!

  3. go.Xtina Says:

    I heard that her parents don't care anymore, she keeps on rebelling against them. A good friend of hers told me that she would seriously slap her if she was one of the parent. I don't think she is drinking or taking drugs, her behaviour was a bit wild when I first met her but now she is being a sorry for the word... A bitch to her old friends and she is very nice with her new friends.

    She is going to College next year in Art. I stopped hanging out with her once I got out of High school and last year, I talked to her and she was giving me a bitchy attitude. I didn't do anything but to joke around with her like I always do.

  4. go.Xtina Says:

    She got a tatoo recently... I don't know how she got the permission to get a tatoo... Usually, the legal age is 18. My coworker worried that she might regret it later because from what we know from her personality, she is very impulsive.

  5. ceejay74 Says:

    Well, clearly the best thing for you to do is stay out of her way...whatever she's doing, she's not taking advice from anyone who dares contradict her, and you don't want to get caught up in her life, which she's clearly taking to some pretty wild places.

    As for what exactly it is that she's doing, it generally breaks down into two territories when a person acts like this: they're sowing their wild oats because they want to experience some different sides of life, or they're engaging in self-destructive behavior out of depression, anger, rebellion or something else. Only time will tell.

    Either way, it's risky behavior. I was quite impulsive and wild in a lot of ways when I was younger; I was not at all trying to be self-destructive, but looking back some of my actions were risky to myself, and I'm lucky not to have had something really terrible happen to me. A few bad situations but nothing too tragic. Yet I know if someone had told me to stop because my lifestyle was risky, I probably wouldn't have listened. Far from self-destructive, I was just very open to experiences and didn't like to box myself into any one set of behaviors. No regrets, but I would never act that way now!

    I hope your friend is just doing what I did and will grow out of it; unfortunately, it does sound like she's got some reasons to be self-destructive, which is inherently riskier because she may be subconsciously trying to get herself hurt.

  6. Counting Pennies Says:

    My best friend in high school was sorta in the same boat. My friend was crying for attention. Her mom had died from lung cancer while we were in middle school and she was never the same since. Her dad was too busy trying to meet new women on the internet that my friend started doing the same thing. I always told her that she was crazy, joking around... but of course secretly not joking. And she started picking up smoking too, I didn't understand that because she knew very well that her mom died from smoking. I finally had enough and we still talk every now and then but we aren't as close as we once were, nor will we ever be. I was willing to stand by as long as she was willing to help herself. And since she didn't want to budge I wasn't going to let her take me down along side her.

    And I'm sorry there is only so much that you can actually blame on your parents. I mean you can choose to rise above the issues holding you back in life or you can decide to let it keep you down. And you notice that most stories worth hearing about are the ones that people overcome their obstacles.

    And like my grandma was told me, nevermind what other people are doing, it only matters that you yourself is doing the right thing. So with that, maybe you should just let her be. She'll do what she wants to do anyways, with or without anyone's permission.

  7. Broken Arrow Says:

    Um, sounds like she's crying out and as pennies said, desperate for attention.

    Very dangerous, that, especially since she's basically jailbait

    I am not sure what it is that you can actually do for her, because you probably don't have or can provide what she's supposedly looking for.

    Best thing to do is to just be friends... from a distance.

  8. whitestripe Says:

    like everyone else has said, be friends from a distance. she may be going through a tough time at the moment, you said her parents don't care any more, but probably deep down she WANTS them to care. hopefully nothing bad happens to her and in a few years she will probably have some kind of life changing event and realise what an idiot she has been. if you do like her in some way, keep in touch with her, the same as her other friends, but walk away when she starts behaving like a brat. don't give her the attention she wants, she'll only get worse.

  9. go.Xtina Says:

    Thanks guys, I will keep my distance... Well honestly, we stopped hanging out once I got out of High school. Only my coworker stayed in contact with her and she's been telling me all this.

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